Betrayal has No Victory

Never again will I look at betrayal as a gut wrenching experience.  When a betrayer enters your life it is not by accident.  The betrayer was assigned to your life to assist you to your next level.  You cannot go to the next level without experiencing a betrayal.  I am reminded of a man who had no faults and only felt compassion when he saw the lost, lonely, limping, and the lame.  He was touched by the feelings of rejection, removal, replaced and yet he continued along the journey.  He was inspired by his father and aided by the comforter so that when the trials that came in the form of a test especially after he spent those forty days alone and he was set apart to confront the adversary of this world.

Often times, the betrayer will disguise themselves as a friend who appears to admire you.  Silently this betrayer will have ulterior motives and intentionally wait like a wild animal seeking its prey only for the kill.  They may even appear to have your best interest while secretively wearing a mask which was crafted by the thief and a robber.  You might have sensed something or even saw a grey area but you ignored it, because you decided to give them the “benefit of the doubt” hoping that they would be true to you and sincere. So, innocently you opened to door and the impostor moved in swiftly and gained territory that was never theirs in the get-go.  You were stung by the venom and it took you a moment to regain consciousness and every waking moment took you further away from your purpose because the betrayer was sent to complete a mission.  His mission was to steal from you, kill your hopes and dreams and then destroy your purpose to your destiny.

Now the moment has come to where you have to decide if will you abort your mission. That which was assigned before the foundation began, or will you go through the difficulty by seeing yourself on the other side of this nightmare?

Rising above and taking back the torch that God gave you or me is always the right thing.  So what about the betrayer?  There are some things we must keep in our heart when we have encountered a betrayal.  Betrayers will reap more than they have ever sown.  So leave the reaping to our Creator and let the experience empower you for the next level.

Searching for Answers

So often our hearts are filled with questions that really matter.  Fighting off doubt and discouragement; even I still have questions concerning my life and destiny.  It’s like traveling down a major highway or interstate that has no end.  While on the trip I see exit signs ever so often that strike my curiosity but not enough to take the exit.  I keep searching for the right exit and not wanting to make another mistake or take a wrong turn.  The journey sometimes feels long and at times tumultuous.  I wander when will the answers come.

I’m reminded about the story that Jesus illustrated in Luke 8:22 “Now it came to pass on a certain day, that he went into a ship with his disciples: and he said unto them, Let us go over unto the other side of the lake. And they launched forth.” KJV

I’m sure the disciples had questions while boarding the ship.  They didn’t ask Jesus  “why and what for?”  They simple obeyed and got into the ship.   We may not always understand the “what for or the why’s” and we may not always find the answers to our questions right away.  It’s important to remember whose in the ship with us.  Your obedience is key and if he has given you an instruction no matter what……. you can do it.

“But as they sailed he fell asleep: and there came down a storm of wind on the lake; and they were filled with water, and were in jeopardy.” Luke 8:23 KJV

Your crisis doesn’t catch God by surprise.  Each storm has a cause and its cause produces an effect . When the storm comes from an improper decision he does not leave you in the midst of the storm.  There is still a lesson to learn from the storm and if you ride out the storm the sun will shine again and you will be able to provide answers.  Seek and you will find.  The answer will always come right in the nick of time.

 

Life has a Sound

Your experience can bless others.

I was totally caught off guard today.  We had a well-known guest at one of our church locations. When special things happen in my life its like hearing sound waves.  It definitely gets my attention and I never take for granted that things will remain the same in my life.  A gift from God is exactly a gift from God.  When a messenger is sent to us, we must recognize the sound.

During our church service, I felt so many emotions.  God knows where we are in life and he knows what is needed to get us further.  One word can change the dynamics, directions and decisions in ones life.  At least, that has always been the way for me.  The sound provides information and instructions on what to do next.

Often times, when I am hearing a message it sends a sound and there are times when the message resonates like a sound, a melody or a tune that connects with me inwardly.  Light has a sound. Music has a sound and its like melody to my ears, but there is nothing like a sound that comes to you through a revelatory message being spoken at the appointed moment. It turns lights on and it dispels all darkness.

Then finally you see what you couldn’t see before.  It removes the roadblocks and confusion so that you can continue on the journey with great anticipation.  The sound creates a sense of awareness and the sound informs you that a change has come!  There sound is closer than you or I may think. So grab it!

Waking Up From a Nightmare

As I continue to recover from what appeared like a nightmare. The shocking reality for me was it wasn’t just a bad dream but in reality it was for real.  Everything about what happened to me caused me to catch myself at moments slipping into a dark hole that seemingly grew deeper and deeper as I would take a deep breath yet feeling like I had been stabbed from the front, both sides and my back.

I kept trying to connect the dots of this mystery and how it all began.  All I could remember was that I met this man at a church in Maryland and he presented himself as a normal, God seeker and yet his disguise was so that I could not see the game that was coming my way.

You see, the enemy knew what I desired and what would turn my head.  I remembered something I said to my mom. I spoke out that I desired to be married even though I wasn’t looking but it was an earnest desire.  Because of my age and the amount of time that had past me by, I became desperate to enter into the next phase of life.  I had waited a long while for the right person and never expecting a counterfeit.

The counterfeit will “always” come and if you’re not careful you might be deceived by the craftiness and the art of deception that has been lurking around the church world for many years.  The devil will disguise himself as an angel of light.

Matters of the heart can derail you especially if there is no one to check you in the spirit.  The people who say they love you may not always speak truth to you because they are more afraid of the backlash or rejection that comes from uncovering the plan of the enemy.  Even when the person may not be seen as the enemy.  A snake will not announce himself. That would be too simple.  Although, his plan was gaining him access into my heart because of my vulnerability.  I had hoped for the best and allowed the wall protecting my heart to come down.

You see, I had been divorced from my first marriage for 15 years and I thought I had learned some healthy lessons from the first mistake.  I purposed in my heart to wait on God and to focus on my life with Christ.  Live, laugh and love was my motto.  As each year went by, I never forgot the desire to be married, but I knew I would not seek or initiate the timing.  However, when the 14th year had gone by and I remembered all the marriages and newborn babies being born; I wondered if God had forgotten me.  It felt like I was on hold or being held back from the joys of marriage and possible child-bearing.

Now when Thanksgiving day came, I tried to stay focused on the season and what this holiday represented to most families.  I knew it was a time to be thankful and a time to celebrate all the wonderful things that God has done for us.  Yet, while cooking a wonderful dinner for my mother and I; my heart was broken and instead of being thankful, I began to cry out to God about my life of singleness.  I had no children of my own, no man and not even a companion. I remembered making a comment to God on that day and will live to regret those words for the rest of my life.  Because all I know is that this man came into my life within three days after making the statement.  His appearance and demeanor was his cover-up.  Only to find out that it was a camouflage and I could not believe how deceptive this person really was.

Basically, he came into my presence during a church service, and after he was seated, he mentioned my first name and I thought he was operating in word of knowledge.  Because, I had never seen him before that Sunday. I asked him how did he know my name and he then told me that he saw me in a new members class.  The way he looked at me sparked an interest but I didn’t say a thing. At the end of the service, we went our separate ways after saying good bye.

The next time I would see him would be at the Wednesday night bible study and he was with another guy.  I sat on one side of the church and he sat on the other side.  But somehow he would locate me and at end of service, he would position himself to be able to speak to me.  So we would speak again and the next time we would talked a little longer as others would engage in conversation with us as if we were an item. So the time would eventually come when he invited me out to lunch.  And that’s when it all started. A lunch that lasted 6 hours.

Its like he read me and plotted to hook up with me the only way he knew I would respond. In fact, he said, “God told him to marry me”  It was as though the plan was to win me over, manipulate me and take me out.  Because of our age difference and his desire to gain some things that I had not even taken into consideration. He saw the asset in me and by him presenting himself as a visionary, leader and that he had a heart to help others.  I felt we had more in common and the opportunity to work as a team. He fooled me big time.

He convinced me that he was the one for me.  I wanted to believe and to some degree I took a chance.  But in my heart of hearts I knew something wasn’t adding up.  Were there red lights? Eventually there were.  I asked him questions and he always had an answer that caused me to override my feelings.  Still my desire to be wedded became the driving force.

One by one, I would receive warnings and he found ways to convince me that they were not true.  So the following year we get married and then the disappearing acts began.   One to two days, he would be out of reach and no call from him to say where he was or to let me know if he was alright.  Who gets married and the husband disappears?  Eventually, I found out about the other woman and how she had blocked my cell phone from being able to contact him.  He denied a lot of things and even the things that he would tell me only proved to be false.

Then the last time I would see him in 2015, he said he would be back in a couple of hours and he never came back.  I kept telling myself, how could this be happening to me.

The nightmare is behind me now and I am fully awake. I wished this had only been a bad dream but instead it became a nightmare that I will never forget.  I know I am a good woman and the rest will be disclosed in my book. So stay tune.

Test everything and make sure you turn every stone when you meet a new person. Don’t allow the mask to fool you. Generally when you meet people they are covered with a mask until they choose to be real to you…..

Time is Priceless

It’s amazing how many things we take for granted.  When you’re young you never really think about getting old.  From the cradle there’s never a thought or a care because all you experience is a level of comfort, security and protection.  Then days become months and months turn into years.

Time affords us so many opportunities as well as obstacles. When time is on your side, it can bring such laughter, joy, new beginnings, rhythm, dancing, celebration, hope, encouragement and needless to say new life.  Time really is priceless.

A time to laugh, a time to cry, a time live and a time to die.  Still there’s no idea of what time will bring to you in a 24 hour day.  We rush through each day thinking if I could just get one thing done my life would be so much better.   Yet know one really knows what time really means to the human soul. Time comes with a price and it really is priceless.

Honoring Mom

This thought has crossed my mind so many times because of the role that I currently play.  I happen to come from the generation where honoring our father and mothers had an impact on me.  We said, “yes ma’am” and “no sir” and we definitely knew how to act in the public.  My mother is now up in her late age and she has needed more support than ever.

I remembered as a youngster telling my mother that I would take care of her when she got old.  Well, before I understood prophecy or the prophetic voice, I would say these words to her not having any idea what that day would actually look like.  You see, my parents separated and later my dad divorced to get married to another person whom I had never met until later in my life.  Mom being an independent, determined and definitely unmoved by his decision to move on with life, didn’t seem to show concern from the outside looking in.  But as I remembered a season in her life when she worked two jobs and never really had much of a social life.  She worked and worked until she was run down then became sick.  This would begin a downward spiral in her life and all I could remember was she needed support from the family.

Love has no boundaries.  When life takes a turn and seemingly an unexpected illness, loss of job, death or divorce happens then your faith is put on trial and everything you thought you knew has to now be put into action.   Love covers a multitude of sins, mistakes and misfortunes.  Things that mattered don’t matter anymore.  Words that were spoken out of anger or disappointment now have no place in the thought process because all you see is your mom.

All I could think about at the time was this is mom and she needs me.  Everything else didn’t matter and when I took on the role as her caregiver, I began to see how important it meant to display honor regardless of the past.  When I think of how she took care of my siblings and I then I thought about her daycare that she once had and how she was a positive influence to so many  children.  Then I asked the question, “how could I not honor her?”

I meant it from the first day and even until now.   The road may get tough and it does.  The days can be very long and they are. But what I am going through today does not compare to all that she did for me.  With tears in my eyes and love in my heart……. I honor my mom and all that each and every mother has done for their children and others children.  Words will never be able to weigh the value of every mother on this planet including mine.

Wrestling with God

Wrestling in the wilderness was not what I had in mind.  Not understanding what God was really up to in my life and yet I kept reminding myself that I will get over this mountain.  Distracted by my current situation and feeling like an abandon child whose father left and said he would be back after awhile. How do I get through this I wonder to myself?  Why did he leave me? How can I find him?  I heard the voice of a child crying and the more she cried the louder the cry got.  May be he’d hear me and answer me.  But still there was no answer.  What have I done to feel so lonely and the wilderness grew darker and darker.  I know he said he’d never leave me nor forsake me.  But why can’t I find him?  Is this a test?  I kept telling myself he’s coming back.  I believed he would and suddenly appeared a person that I thought was him but it was an angel sent by God to let me know that I am not alone.  So I asked this person, why didn’t he answer me? Why did he leave me?  Why did he say he would never leave me?  Then in a gentle yet stern voice, he said, where is your faith?  Why do you doubt your fathers love? The God of the universe is never away from you.  He wants you to learn to trust him even when he appears not to be present. He wants you to grow in confidence, courage and unwavering faith.  You will never learn if he always answers your cry.  He has been with you from the beginning and he has shown you his ability to do any and everything.  He saw your dependence when you were a little child but after you became a woman; he saw how independent you became and he had to allow some things to take place so that you would return to the dependence of a loving and caring father.  He wants to guide you through the wilderness but you must ask him to take control.  When you stop wrestling with the wilderness the light will come back and you will see the path that leads you to the other side.

Remember Not

As I press forward through the struggles of my day. I constantly deal with the memories of my yesterday.  Wondering why it seems to be like an endless night.  I find the pain to be overwhelming at times because when the present situation sounds like a screaming child who has not been heard.  Or wanting to get the attention of a loving savior. There is a way that seems right but the difficulty in following that path is that it seems to get smaller and smaller and smaller.

Why is it so difficult to just let go?  Maybe its the memories of the past or maybe it’s the experiences that stem from the childhood that keeps me in limbo.  It’s like driving a car while yet being in park. Each time I try to accelerate all I hear is the sound of the engine and maybe even some smoke but no actual movement.

I know I am not alone because there is a promise in the bible that says “He will never leave me or forsake me.”  But how often it appears the opposite.  I am a believer and once I followed the savior with pinpoint determination and zeal.  Then one setback after another interrupted my drive.  Finally, my drive is back and the skies have cleared for the take off. I thought it would just all come together.  It’s not suppose to be this challenging so I thought.  But anything worth having in life comes through steadfastness and endurance.  So that the past struggles begin to fade away like a leaf blown by the wind.  Never forgotten though because of many lessons learned.  Remember not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Isiah 43:18 gives me hope that some new things are just around my corner.

Deliverer

I struggled with writing this book and made many excuses for why I needed someone else to write my story. Then suddenly I realized that it was not me making the excuses but the enemy who did not want me to put my story on paper.  I believe that my story and the struggles that I have had in life were by divine design and that my life would reach the lives of many that are still in the struggle of life.   There have been hurdles and valleys.  I have had to sit alone, walk alone, stay alone, be alone and even eat alone.  There is a place in the aloneness of your life where you begin to find out who you really are. 

You are a force to be reckoned with.   You are a deliverer, you are a man or a woman but most importantly you are not waste.  You have struggles but you are complete in Him who have made you and created you with destiny in His mind.  There are no insignificant children.  There may be wayward children, rebellious children, broken children, battered children, abandon children, rejected children; isolated children but there are no insignificant children.   We have one of many things in common.  We were born with purpose and the plan was already predetermined. 

We have missed some turns in life because of misguided influences in our lives starting right in our home.  That’s right, the place where you said “goo-goo and gaga.”  The house where you were born in or came to after you left your mother’s womb.   We all had to start somewhere and that place was the place where you suppose to get your instructions for life.  Your parents were the chief and commander and they were to train you and prepare you for your destiny with the Lord.  Then they were to release you into his will and care for the rest of your journey while on this earth.  This is not your final destination. The earth was only the means to getting you back to the home that God has prepare for those who love Him and will keep His commandments.  We have many roads that we will cross in this lifetime, but there is only one road that will lead you back home.  Home is where God and Jesus reside and the host of angels are there rejoicing over each one of us when we find out our purpose in life. You are a deliverer!