As I continue to recover from what appeared like a nightmare. The shocking reality for me was it wasn’t just a bad dream but in reality it was for real. Everything about what happened to me caused me to catch myself at moments slipping into a dark hole that seemingly grew deeper and deeper as I would take a deep breath yet feeling like I had been stabbed from the front, both sides and my back.
I kept trying to connect the dots of this mystery and how it all began. All I could remember was that I met this man at a church in Maryland and he presented himself as a normal, God seeker and yet his disguise was so that I could not see the game that was coming my way.
You see, the enemy knew what I desired and what would turn my head. I remembered something I said to my mom. I spoke out that I desired to be married even though I wasn’t looking but it was an earnest desire. Because of my age and the amount of time that had past me by, I became desperate to enter into the next phase of life. I had waited a long while for the right person and never expecting a counterfeit.
The counterfeit will “always” come and if you’re not careful you might be deceived by the craftiness and the art of deception that has been lurking around the church world for many years. The devil will disguise himself as an angel of light.
Matters of the heart can derail you especially if there is no one to check you in the spirit. The people who say they love you may not always speak truth to you because they are more afraid of the backlash or rejection that comes from uncovering the plan of the enemy. Even when the person may not be seen as the enemy. A snake will not announce himself. That would be too simple. Although, his plan was gaining him access into my heart because of my vulnerability. I had hoped for the best and allowed the wall protecting my heart to come down.
You see, I had been divorced from my first marriage for 15 years and I thought I had learned some healthy lessons from the first mistake. I purposed in my heart to wait on God and to focus on my life with Christ. Live, laugh and love was my motto. As each year went by, I never forgot the desire to be married, but I knew I would not seek or initiate the timing. However, when the 14th year had gone by and I remembered all the marriages and newborn babies being born; I wondered if God had forgotten me. It felt like I was on hold or being held back from the joys of marriage and possible child-bearing.
Now when Thanksgiving day came, I tried to stay focused on the season and what this holiday represented to most families. I knew it was a time to be thankful and a time to celebrate all the wonderful things that God has done for us. Yet, while cooking a wonderful dinner for my mother and I; my heart was broken and instead of being thankful, I began to cry out to God about my life of singleness. I had no children of my own, no man and not even a companion. I remembered making a comment to God on that day and will live to regret those words for the rest of my life. Because all I know is that this man came into my life within three days after making the statement. His appearance and demeanor was his cover-up. Only to find out that it was a camouflage and I could not believe how deceptive this person really was.
Basically, he came into my presence during a church service, and after he was seated, he mentioned my first name and I thought he was operating in word of knowledge. Because, I had never seen him before that Sunday. I asked him how did he know my name and he then told me that he saw me in a new members class. The way he looked at me sparked an interest but I didn’t say a thing. At the end of the service, we went our separate ways after saying good bye.
The next time I would see him would be at the Wednesday night bible study and he was with another guy. I sat on one side of the church and he sat on the other side. But somehow he would locate me and at end of service, he would position himself to be able to speak to me. So we would speak again and the next time we would talked a little longer as others would engage in conversation with us as if we were an item. So the time would eventually come when he invited me out to lunch. And that’s when it all started. A lunch that lasted 6 hours.
Its like he read me and plotted to hook up with me the only way he knew I would respond. In fact, he said, “God told him to marry me” It was as though the plan was to win me over, manipulate me and take me out. Because of our age difference and his desire to gain some things that I had not even taken into consideration. He saw the asset in me and by him presenting himself as a visionary, leader and that he had a heart to help others. I felt we had more in common and the opportunity to work as a team. He fooled me big time.
He convinced me that he was the one for me. I wanted to believe and to some degree I took a chance. But in my heart of hearts I knew something wasn’t adding up. Were there red lights? Eventually there were. I asked him questions and he always had an answer that caused me to override my feelings. Still my desire to be wedded became the driving force.
One by one, I would receive warnings and he found ways to convince me that they were not true. So the following year we get married and then the disappearing acts began. One to two days, he would be out of reach and no call from him to say where he was or to let me know if he was alright. Who gets married and the husband disappears? Eventually, I found out about the other woman and how she had blocked my cell phone from being able to contact him. He denied a lot of things and even the things that he would tell me only proved to be false.
Then the last time I would see him in 2015, he said he would be back in a couple of hours and he never came back. I kept telling myself, how could this be happening to me.
The nightmare is behind me now and I am fully awake. I wished this had only been a bad dream but instead it became a nightmare that I will never forget. I know I am a good woman and the rest will be disclosed in my book. So stay tune.
Test everything and make sure you turn every stone when you meet a new person. Don’t allow the mask to fool you. Generally when you meet people they are covered with a mask until they choose to be real to you…..